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Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Giving Blood

    I've never had such an extreme reaction before. I have always prided myself on my ability to grit my teeth and overcome anything. I can't exactly do that anymore. Kind of humbling. Realizing that I don't have control. It happened so quickly.. One minute I'm not feeling good, and the next I'm staring wide-eyed into a nurse's face on the library floor and crying and shaking to no end.

    Yes, I passed out. Before he even pricked my finger for the sample.

    What exactly was I afraid of in this situation? I'm not afraid of blood: if I was, I couldn't be a female. I don't think I'm necessarily afraid of the feeling of blood leaving me; actually I think it might feel kind of cool. I think it is the pain I am afraid of. My friend Evan compared it to a snake bite like ten minutes before I went to the library. And then the nurse asked to see my arms, I guess to look for needle points to see if I was a mainliner. But when he said that I became afraid that he'd see the scars from self-injury. And then the comparison in my mind was drawn. I remember pricking my own fingers with a needle until the blood flowed before I graduated to a razor blade. And I remember slicing into my own arms with a razor right above the same artery from which they were going to draw blood. That is what scared me.

    I was so stupid to throw up the night before the blood drive. That's why I wasn't feeling well that day. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that.

    Fainting really makes me realize how much I have been relying on my own strength. I had no control over it, over my body's reaction.

    When I was answering the preliminary questions before all this happened, an adult behind me passed out and fell headlong onto the floor. As he was waking up, the look of terror on his face... I can't descibe it. His helplessness too. I can't describe it. But I will never forget it. There's a lesson God wants me to learn in seeing that, but I can't fathom what.

Friday, 23 October 2009

  • Quoting Shakespeare

    I am accepted at Hardin-Simmons University! I recieved my letter this afternoon!  My mother and I celebrated with a sit-down dinner at home of chicken and vegetable soup and cornbread. Mmmm... =)

     Wow, it's crazy to think that this time next fall I will be headlong into my college studies. I will have made new friends and found those who share my same interests. I will most likely be up to my eyeballs with stress as well! but hopefully bearing it pretty well. I will be missing my mother like crazy, as well as my best friends.

    I will be dying for my dance partner! He calls me every other day and facebooks me every night. And the thing is... I think I like him. I am very reluctant to say it; I protect my heart constantly when I am around him or talking to him. I have to, or else I would for sure and certain give it away. I have resisted liking him for so long because I made a vow to myself that I would not date in high school (which has turned out to really be one of the best decisions I have ever made, if not the best!). He sticks with me through thick and thin, and is forever patient and kind when I say I feel unbeautiful. We kind of balance each other out in a way as well. I just pray for the strength to resist the temptation of him.

    Anyway, I could go on, but I will spare you; that was a totally unintentional sidenote. Here's a little something my British Literature teacher read to us in class when we started reading MacBeth:

  • "If you cannot understand my argument, and declare 'It's Greek to me', you are quoting Shakespeare;
  • If you claim to be more sinned against than sinning, you are quoting Shakespeare;
  • If you recall your salad days, you are quoting Shakespeare;
  • If you act more in sorrow than in anger, if your wish is father to the thought, if your lost property has vanished into thin air, you are quoting Shakespeare;
  • If you have ever refused to budge an inch or suffered from green-eyed jealousy, if you have played fast and loose,
  • If you have been tongue-tied, a tower of strength, hoodwinked or in a pickle, if you have knitted your brows, made virtue of necessity, insisted on fair play, slept not one wink, stood on ceremony... laughed yourself into stitches, had short shrift, cold comfort or too much of a good thing, if you have seen better days or lived in a fool's paradise - why, be that as it may, the more fool of you, for it is a foregone conclusion that you are (as good luck would have it) quoting Shakespeare
  • ....if you think it is high time and that it is early days and clear out bag and baggage and that that is the long and short of it ...and that the truth will out even if it involves your own flesh and blood, if you lie low till the crack of doom because you suspect foul play, without rhyme or reason, then - to give the devil his due - if the truth were known (for surely you have a tongue in your head) you are quoting Shakespeare;
  • ... even if you bid me good riddance and send me packing, if you wish I was dead as a door-nail, if you think I am an eyesore, a laughing stock, the devil incarnate, a stony-hearted villian, bloody-minded or a blinking idiot, then - by Jove! O Lord! Tut, tut! for goodness sake! what the dickens! but me no buts - it is all one to me, for you are quoting Shakespeare."

    Isn't it great? I must say, I love Shakespeare. Did you know he invented over three thousand of the words we still use today in everyday English? It's incredible; he was quite a writer to be sure.

Saturday, 17 October 2009

  • whew! first college visits over...

    and they were very productive.

    i totally eliminated Abilence Christian U from my perspective schools. waaaaayyy too freakin modern and rich. weird church of christ people. lol jk :) but it felt like i was walking into like the ritz or something when i walked into the visitors center, and there dorms were really way nicer than most of the hotels i've stayed at. i could NEVER go to school there. too much reminecent of church where people put on masks.


    but on a good note, my interest in Hardin-Simmons U increased. their english department is inredible, and the professors are great. and all the people i met there, whether they were teachers or admins or students or alumni, were extremely kind, and i could tell that it was NOT just because they were trying to sell their school. i could see myself going there.


    one thing i'm finding out though, to my chagrin, is East Texas Baptist U still feels like home. maybe that's because i have already been there so many times bc my bro goes there, or bc i know people who go there, but etbu is still a comfort zone for me.


    BUT i will try and break the mold of etbu! i still have Ouachita Baptist to visit sometime after christmas :)

Saturday, 19 September 2009

  • Teaching

    Teaching takes a LOT of stamina. Maitaining control of a large group of people for an extended period of time is difficult. Especially when they're up and moving around and stepping on each other's toes and chatting to no end. Stop asking each other how to do it and ask the teacher! They don't know how to do it either so ask me! Omg! And there's another thing- This is an extracirrucular activity, right? So I can kick you out if I want to. If they don't get serious about learning it soon, I'm about to do that. It's an extracirricular activity, they joined it volentarily, and I expect them to actually want to learn how to ballroom dance! That's not too much to ask, right? The fun comes from dancing, not talking and goofing off.

    **Does anyone have any generic pointers for teaching a class of twenty or so mostly-freshman highschoolers?

Friday, 04 September 2009

  • A Calling

    Our church's d-now, Crave, was this past weekend (or was it the weekend before that?). This year it was Crave Justice, and it was intense in the different topics of social injustices, such as abortion and sex trafficking. Saturday morning we did a prayer walk around Boulter Middle School, which was marvelous. After it was over, I went to talk to and thank Joel, the teacher who set us up to do the walk. He is an African-American man, I'm convinced, after God's own heart. An amazing man. Anyway, when I shook his hand, he said, "The calling on your life is amazing, and I'm praying for you."     I am nonplussed.  What calling could my life possibly have?  I seriously have no idea.

purifyingpurge

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About Me

  • I am a not-so-sweet 16, but I love to dream, to write, to read, to paint, and playing my beloved viola. I am a Texan. Deal with it. School and especially grades are VERY important to me. I don't know how many times I've bawled my eyes out over a grade. I plan on majoring in behavioral science/phsycology and aim to be a Christian cousellor because I figure with all the crap I've either done to myself or has happened to me that I would be of best service to the body of Christ in that way. And also I know that it breaks my heart when I see someone who has no hope in a situation that can be overcome. And ever since 8th grade I have wanted to work as a counselor at Camp Redcloud in Lake City, CO

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Chatboard (4)

  • purifyingpurge
    @moosicmom - and yes, both have to do with how a person reacts/copes with situations in his/her life
  • purifyingpurge
    @moosicmom - Where is that verse? I've found it true so many times and would like to go back and look at it's context. I'm so bad with remembering references
  • moosicmom
    Hello again. I got a new insight on eating disorders yesterday in my prayer time. It is very simple. "Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." The Lord showed me that most of my past overeating was caused by grief, depression and anxiety, not to mention bitterness and anger. I resi
  • moosicmom
    Hello from someone struggling with the opposite eating disorder. I am Praying for you if you will pray for me. I have lost and gained the same 10 pounds so many times I can't count them. Is stress eating the same as stress not eating? One thing I know is that there is unconditional love in Christ. I